The Barbie Shoe Theory

I'm not a conspiracy theorist...generally...honestly. That was, until I started contending with...kid toy accessories...those "cool" little knick knacks that toy makers start including with dolls, action figures, and games once our little ones magically reach the age where they are at least 98% likely not to shove small toy parts into their mouths. Say for example...Barbie shoes. Back in the day (yeah, I know...WAY back), when my sister and I had Barbies, I remember spending hours on end digging through the toy box looking for missing shoes. Most of the time, Barbie ended up with mismatched shoes...or had to wear only one shoe...or went barefoot. Tell me then...why, oh why, do they keep making these little, removable, easily losable parts? Ah...well that's where the conspiracy theory comes in. I'm pretty sure it's a) a way to get parents to buy more "stuff" to replace the "stuff" that gets lost...or b) a master plan to drive mom's insane trying to keep track of "stuff". I'm leaning towards the "b" theory.

Need proof? I give you, Exhibit 1:


Notice how SweetPea's My Little Pony collection includes two itsy bitsy, plastic tiaras...and that the small ponies each come with a colorful, little comb to keep their polyester manes perfectly groomed? Guess how many times in a day I hear "Mommy, where is Sweetie Bell's comb?" or "I can't find Pinky Pie's crown!" I was even woken up once...at 1 am no less...when SweetPea couldn't find Rainbow Dash's crown (she'd taken the pony to bed with her). Nothing better than groping around in the dark for a missing tiara...only to find Miss Dash had the damn thing on her head the whole time.

Exhibit 2...plastic cling Princess shoes...and crowns...and gloves...and necklaces...and...and...


We don't do Barbie...no, we do static cling Princess sticker dress up. It seemed like a brilliant alternative to paper dolls...until I realized that keeping track of two dimensional shoe stickers the size of small, single celled organisms were even more annoying than trying to find Barbie shoes. Sadly, the wonders of electrostatic theory are rendered useless when SweetPea randomly tosses shoes on the floor next to her as she changes shoes out. To date, I've managed to launder one of Cinderella's glass slippers when it got stuck on a one of SweetPea's shirts, forever ruining it when half of the picture rubbed off in the wash. There are two other mismatched pairs in the collection...I'm pretty sure forever lost somewhere in my Dyson canister...which means occasionally Belle, Snow White and friends have to wear unfashionably mismatched shoes. Thank goodness someone invented online dress up games...the place where shoes forever stay in matched pairs.

Exhibit 3...the Princess dress up wooden puzzle:

Meet Princess Elsie. I thought she was a brilliant dress up alternative. For the most part, she is...nice big, wooden dresses and accessories that are magnetic...except...well, even smallish wooden tiaras, hats and gloves can get lost...especially when your 1 1/2 year old brother grabs them and runs. Seems their bigger size makes them more attractive to toddlers. On the up side...her shoes are painted on with each dress...so at least we don't hunt for lost Princess Elsie shoes!

So...am I right or what? I thought so. What do we do to fight the conspiracy? I have NO idea!!! Maybe Barbie should protest and threaten to go shoeless until something is done about it.