Crying, biting, being forced awake all night, temper-tantrums, messes that never ever go away no matter how much I clean them... this wasn't what I signed up for, and I'm feeling like I've been duped.
Let me explain. You see, I took that class in high school, the one where we learn just how hard it is to take care of a baby. For one hellish week, everyone in Senior year Psychology had a baby. That's right, a baby.
A 5-lb sack of flour that went with us everywhere, just like real babies.
They needed to be swaddled in blankets, they had to go from class to class with us, they had to come home and go with us to our jobs. They had to sit up at the dinner table with us, and be tucked into bed. Right next to us. It was hell.
Do you know how tough it is to go to the grocery store with a 5-lb sack of flour baby? Do you understand just how hard it is to walk the halls at school, toting a 5-lb sack of flour baby? I did. Oh yes, I lived through it for one entire week, and let me tell you, after living through that, I was prepared for anything.
Thank you high school, for preparing me for the real world.
... and then I had kids. Real kids.
I had crying, biting, awake-all-night, temper-tantrum throwing, messes-that-never-ever-go-away-no matter-how-much-I-clean-them making kinds of kids.
I want to know... Where is my sweet little 5-lb baby? Where is the tiny little thing, swaddled in a pink blanket who goes with me everywhere and sits happily in the shopping cart without making one little peep? Where is the silent little thing that allows me to sleep through the night, completely uninterrupted? Where?
And who the heck is this screaming little 8-lb thing who eats round the clock, doesn't give me a second of peace, refuses to sleep for even a second, and who needs her diaper changed every 45 seconds?
I think I've been duped.