Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Is It 5 Minutes Ago Yet?

Once upon a time, Alyssa was a wild haired 12 year old...no really, it's true...it happened...I swear...anyway, Alyssa the "tween" used to spend any available babysitting money plastering her walls with magazine pictures and posters of Duran Duran, much to her parent's dismay (seriously, who wants that much Scotch tape in one place?)...

What's the point of this trip down memory lane? Work with me here...my point is, having done it myself, I'm pretty sure it's a cardinal law...maybe a forgotten Newtonian theory or lost 11th Commandment...that kids will find an obsession that will drive their parents nuts. Since SweetPea and Lil Buddy are both pretty young, there's no telling what fads they'll be tempted to buy into in the not so distant future...but I can say this...I am SO glad that fads come and go like wildfire, because there are a few out there right now that are bugging the hell out of me...and I can only hope are "so 5 minutes ago" long before my kids find them interesting...

The "Jonas Brothers" Shag Do: While we're at it...throw the stupid Jonas Brothers out with their annoying hair. Dude...the Hardy Boys and The Partridge Family want you to stop ripping off their look. Not that I have anything against long hair...hey, I used to have a huge crush on Mark Slaughter for God sake...but come on...he had GREAT hair. I can't tell you how many times I've seen some teenage boy running around with this do and wanted seriously to hold him down and buzz it off. Seriously...pick a side...grow it long or cut it short. The fact that kids pay someone to make it look like they still need a haircut drives me nutty.

Hannah Montana: Pllllleeeeeehhheeeeesssseee make it stop!!! If I have to see Miley Cirus one more time, I think I might have to claw my eyes out (so what do I do...I post a pic...go figure!). I'm anxiously waiting for her to turn 18...not for the same reason I'm sure half of the men in the universe might be, but so she can either do a Britney and spiral out of control and end up on the cover of Playboy, forever sending her Disney "I'm cute enough to be safe for your 5 year old daughter" card up in flames or just having the general "Lizzie McGuire/Sabrina the Teenage Witch" effect kick in where she's officially too old to be relevant to anyone under the age of 16. I have a dream...that someday within the next two years, I can walk into a WalMart or Target and not have to see shelves full of Hannah Montana merchandise staring back at me.

Bratz Dolls: Sadly...these things just don't seem to be going away. I'm sure at this point I have no social commentary to share that hasn't been beaten to death in the media, but, honestly, I DO NOT want my daughter playing with skanky dolls. Yeah, maybe I'm a prude...so be it. For all of the moms who I hear don't want their kids playing with Bratz either, someone has to be buying them, because there are whole aisles dedicated to them in toy stores and retail shops everywhere. Maybe someone will leak some nudie pics of THEM on the Internet and their careers will be over too.

At the end of the day, the kicker is...even when these things do disappear into the land of retro nostalgia...something all new and more annoying will surely take their place. My solution...I'm ripping off the movie Bubble Boy...I'm putting the kids in big plastic bubbles and letting them stay home all day watching Land of the Lost reruns.


  1. Ugh, I hate the Bratz Dolls. And any parent who claims to hate them too, but either buys them or lets their daughters keep them as gifts has never used the lovely return policy that so many stores have. "But she loves them," just doesn't fly with me. My oldest loves fire, but I certainly don't give my pyro an open flame.
    Stepping down now. :oP

  2. Haha, my lovely little 4 year old has bought into the whole Hannah Montana thing. I don't even let her watch the show, but she is still obsesses. *sigh*

    I laughed at the hair one... that has got to be my #1 most hated fad at the moment. Drives me nuts!!

  3. I have decided that the next family member to buy my kid Bratz get a swift kick in the bum! Can we please just stick with Barbie?

  4. Good calls. I think Bratz dolls are the worst of the three. They might as well sell a pole dancing set along with them. Wat kind of message are they trying to send? Ugh.

  5. This is definatly one of those moments where I'm glad I can say that I have boys! Star Wars, Spongebob, and Mickey Mouse are tops around here :)

  6. I like the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. Don't hate me. :)

    Bratz, however... not a fan of those.

  7. Boy am I happy I have boys, although the admittedly slutty allure that Hannah "Are you sure she's only 16" Montana already holds over them does not bode well for my future peace of mind. I am afraid that many fake blond wearing- nasty little girls are in their and MY future. I have to go pray now. Also, I may possibly be burning some sort of offering to the "Keep Nasty Girls Away From My Boys" goddess.

  8. I'm stuck on memory lane. I haven't thought about Duran Duran in a long time. (Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand...) I'm going to just reminicse about a simpler time. When do things start coming back in style? When I was in high school we were all about layers, collar up, shirtale out -- like in the Breakfast Club. I long for the simpler, more modest times.

  9. Do you secretly live in my house? I agree with you on ALL counts! And can I add Zack and Cody to the list? Being twins, they are a fave of my girls...though I'd choose Zack and Cody over Hannah Montana any day of the week.

    And oh, swoon...Duran Duran.. saw them in concert in high school. I was quite certain that I would in fact marry Simon one day. Not sure what happened there!


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