So. I had my first uncomfortable "birds & the bees" talk with my almost 5-year-old daughter Gracie, the other day. It was pretty basic, and I threw around terms like, "boy bits" and "girly bits" which aren't technical, but worked fine for me.
When it comes to talking about ... you know what... my face turns red and I would love very much to hide somewhere until "the talk" is over.
I remember when my mom sat me down for "the talk." I was in 5th grade and I pretty much already knew everything that needed knowing (minus the technical terms) because of the dirty jokes I used to hear from my older brother and his friends. But my mom recorded a PBS special dealing with ... S-E-X ... and she sat me down and watched it with me, my face blazing red the entire time, and then asked when it was over, "Do you have any questions?" to which I replied, "Um-absolutely-not-and-can-I-go-over-to-my-friend's-house-now-and-pretend-that-this-never-ever-happened-pretty-please-with-a-cherry-on-top?"
But the other day, to my horror, our little girl kitten Somersault hopped on top of our other girl kitten Sophie and, as my friend April so cleverly put it, meow chicka meow meow.
Yeah, that's right. My kittens were gettin' it on. That, my friends, is how Gracie and Annelie got their first eyeful of the birds and the bees because as it turns out, Somer is not a girl. She is a he.
So, after shrieking for Somer to get off of Sophie, and a frantic phone call to the vet to set an appointment for their kitty-fixing, I had to sit Gracie down and explain that Somer is really a boy, and that the kitties were in the middle of baby-making, and girly-bits-and-boy-bits-and-omg-are-we-done-having-this-talk-now-why-don't-you-go-play-My Little Ponies...
It was a lot for Gracie to take in. I thought I had done a great job.
When we got our kittens back from the vet this week, Gracie excitedly ran over to Somer and checked to see if his boy bits were gone (they were) and then she jumped up and down, clapping her hands, and exclaimed, "Yay, Somer is a girl again!!"
Time for another talk.
I have absolutely no idea how to handle the questions when my girls are pre-teens and boy bits and girly bits aren't terms I can use. I might just track down that PBS After School Sex Ed special I had to watch when I was eleven.
Moms out there. Have you had "the talk?" And if so, how did you cope?