Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The Queens of Destruction

Do not look directly into their eyes....
Do not be fooled by their cherubic faces...
They are the stuff legends are made of.

Whoever came up with that whole "Sugar and Spice and every thing nice; That's what little girls are made of..." bit really did not know their stuff. The only sugar my girls have running through their veins is the sugar they sneak from the bowl on the kitchen counter when I'm not looking.

Seriously, my girls are far from the sweet little ladies everyone thinks girls are supposed to be. If it wasn't for Gracie's obsession with wearing princess dresses, you probably wouldn't even know I had girls at all.

They cut their hair, bedsheets, their eyelashes, whenever I have my back turned. They destroy EVERYTHING they come in contact with. They climb the walls (literally climb.the.walls)... If it can be destroyed, give them about 20 minutes and BAM! - job done.

Um... that room was clean yesterday, I swear

We're getting ready to move sometime next week, which means, not only am I packing, packing and packing some more, but I'm also looking around my apartment and realizing that we are NOT getting our deposit back...

AND we are probably going to be paying the equivalent of one month's rent in damage fees.

The blinds in Gracie's room were ripped out of the wall last winter (um... gaping holes left in their place) when Gracie decided to move her toddler mattress against the window, grab onto the top of the blinds and ... whoops, the mattress fell. I was cooking dinner when I heard the crash and made it to her room just in time to see the entire ceiling fall in (slight exaggeration on my part. Slight).

Every inch of wall surface has been 409'd with a vengeance, the paint wearing very, very thin as a result of me scrubbing the watercolor/sharpie/crayon off. The carpets (brown) are painted (green) in more spots than I'd like, after Annelie got into my acrylic paint (she can pick locks... really).

And that's just a small part of the damage to our apartment. I could write an entire novel on the damage to our apartment alone.

Then there's my stuff... they love to break stuff. Love to. I spent about 35 minutes today figuring out how to remove a Little Einsteins DVD (oh man, from the library) from the DVD player it was jammed inside. Luckily, I was able to remove the DVD without damage done to it... unlike the chunky toddler board book that I spent 2 hours painstakingly taping back together after Annelie shredded every single page.

Its funny to me... so many people say, "Oh you have it easy. I had BOYS" and I think, really? Do I really have it easy because my girls have cute little dresses on and hair bows in their hair? Because you know, the second you turn your back, that hair bow will be out of her hair, and probably shredded into a million tiny strings of grosgrain faster than your sweet little boy can wheel his Tonka truck two feet. It really bothers me when I hear that I have it easy because I have girls.

Yes, I have girls. I have the Queens of Destruction.



  1. Hahahaha....sorry, I can't help but laugh...perhaps they are bored :)

  2. I hear ya. I don't need a boy, I have a 2 year old demolition crew masquerading as a sweet little princess.

  3. OK, you win :) Merrick has done his fair share of destroying, but...well, nothing like that! The worst Amelia has done is painting herself and even at that, it was washable crayola watercolor. AH, well, the good thing about those kinds of deposits is they are there for a reason. What kills me about some apartments (we found this out when we lived in Boston) is if you've lived in the unit for so long, they're just going to pull out the carpet and repaint anyway, regardless of the shape you leave it in.

  4. OMG, that's not a child... that's a monkey! Just imagine what our kids could do if we ever get them together!!

  5. Wow ... yeah, you definatly rank up there with a mother of boys, what with your two girl wrecking crew and all. Take it from someone who knows!

    But until your kids wipe boogers on the wall, bring home bugs and animals (often times dead) that they've found outside, or you've woken up groggy eyed and went into the bathroom to pee and stepped in a cold puddle of urine from mis-aim, I still say you have it better!

  6. ... Amanda - check, check and check... I'm telling ya, my girls are no different!!

  7. oh my!!! i only have boys who are VERY different from each, jack is 7yrs old and emotional and riley is 2.5yrs and a total nightmare! lol

    I cannot believe your little girl is walking the wall lol blimey lol

  8. Your girls are INSANE. But man, imagine how boring your life would be if you didn't have thier crazy actions to write about.

    HAHAHAH. Shes really climbing the wall, haha.


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