Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Best Purchase You'll Ever Make.

Momma's, its time to do yourselves a huge favor!

Once upon a time, on an autumn day seven plus years ago, I lived close to a mall. The building was in a rapid decline and has since been torn down and rebuilt into a new shopping center and a a big huge Wal-Mart, the biggest Wal-Mart in PA actually.

I was in need of serious shopping, I'm talking serious. At that point my fashion sense was a bit misguided and the majority of my clothing came from Goodwill (because I thought that vintage was cool, unfortunately I just bought ugly, not vintage) or those hippie type stores that are full of patchwork corduroy, incense, and stink of Patchouli. Anyways, I moseyed in and out of stores. finding myself among the light weight pea coats and the button-up white blouses and the preppy striped scarfs in the Gap. i like their clothes on the racks and the mannequins, but never on me. Finally deciding that I was in the wrong store, I humbly made my way on over to the K-mart (told you the mall was crappy, what kind of mall has a K-mart in it?), feeling self conscience, and resigned my choices to the contents of the sales rack.

Lo and behold, my hand held onto a pair of Levi jeans which looked practically perfect. The only one of it's kind. could it be? (I love that feeling. when you realize the salespeople messed up and placed a perfectly good pair of pants in the sale section and somehow had marked it down again and again.) These jeans had been stickered down to the famous blue tag special price of $5.99. They are a dark denim boot cut fit with no holes or fading or jewel studding or funky graffiti scrawled along the leg. (Those types are always polluting the sale section.) Uh Oh. I notice the label: long and lean. Darn. Crap. Hate that.

Thankfully as I pulled them on, their label of long and lean was a major misnomer. For I am anything but long and lean. I am short and fat. Yet this pair of ankle length actually fit my short stubby legs. Brilliant! Hooray, hooray. A successful shopping excursion. Just one problem. The only thing wrong with these blessed, beautiful jeans was the fact that they were two sizes too big; gaping around my middle. But they were short enough and under ten dollars and dark denim and perfect. Plus, the back pockets were darling and simple and I was dying to pay a pretty lil penny for jeans that don't fit. Silly I know, but surely you've been there.

So I went home to put them on and decided I couldn't cinch the waste very subtly. I would just have to lay them in my drawer and wait until I found my middle thick enough. But I was happy and no one had to know about the silly purchase I couldn't wear.

Today, (as the task of getting ready gets more and more frustrating) I threw off my skinny jeans and my barely still fit jeans and my other slink down way to low annoying jeans, and I remembered. Aha! My fat jeans. I took the pair out gingerly and pulled them on. Oh goodness, the perfect fit. I was Cinderella. but my hair wasn't in an updo and they were jeans not glass slippers and I am a mom with big hips to prove it, not a princess. But you get my drift. It was pure bliss. Magic. Comfy and roomy and cute. My belly loves me and these silly old brand new jeans love me back.

The moral of my silly story is this: someday you might watch your torso change for one reason or another (like having kids!) or no reason at all and you will be sad that none of your fancy shmancy jeans fit. But you'll be too tired and too depressed, or way too busy with all the people and things who demand your attention nowadays, to go jean shopping. Therefore, buy yourself some fat jeans while you can. Now, while you are still thin and fit and gorgeous, or when you happen to find yourself dressed in the most disgusting clothes ever and are feeling totally out of place at a mall. There will be a day in your future that you'll thank yourself for giving yourself a break.

Do yourself a favor. When you land upon the right pair, buy yourself some fat jeans. You won't regret it. It's really a win win purchase. Either someday you'll find yourself growing into them and you'll love 'em or you'll never fit into them and you'll have earned a pat on the back for being obsessively fit and amazingly trim. You go girl. Work it.

Today I'm wearing them. and i don't care who knows it.


  1. OMG Amanda, what an awesome post. Anyone who relates feeling like Cinderella when she finally fits into her fat jeans, is the ultimate awesome, in my books. You ROCK those jeans!

    And BTW, "(because I thought that vintage was cool, unfortunately I just bought ugly, not vintage)" -- hilarious!!

  2. I know the feeling all too well. I have both fat and skinny jeans packed away for days just like yours. Some new, most not. But the feeling of fitting into some jeans when you cannot fit into your daily jeans you've been wearing for a while is so exilerating. But these days I'm having an issue. I'm now swimming in my skinny jeans... Jeans that I wore before I got married 9 years ago and new jeans I bought last year when I lost 20 lbs before getting pregnant again.

    Yay to you for fitting into a nice pair of jeans.

  3. Jeans are the bane of my existence! Even at my best weight finding jeans that fit me right were next to impossible. I have a weird figure..long torso, broad waist, short legs....and nothing ever fits me right. The best jeans for me used to be women's Levi's Silver Tabs...which they don't make anymore :( I could kiss whoever decided to add lycra to jeans, because that has helped me with the battle...somewhat anyway.

  4. Oh I loved this post!! I LIVE in jeans, like all the time, live in jeans. I realized about a week ago that I only have ONE pair left that are not either "dirty looking" (eewww...), stained, or ripped in some horrible way. The pair that I am wearing right now are unsuitable for public view. Really bad.
    I think I need to go hunt for my own marked down treasure. You made me laugh. Thank you.



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