Sunday, July 12, 2009

I'm THAT Mom

I have this list of things that circulates through my head full of things that fall into the "What Not to Do" category of motherhood. That's not to say that I'm a bad mom, because I think during my finer moments I could give Super Mom a run for her money, but I sometimes my moments of pure motherly genius fall short and I become that mom. You all know what I'm talking about and I'm sure at times you've been that mom too! Here are my examples:

1. I’m that mom who will let my two year play with things he shouldn't (my cell phone, the clean laundry, chalk in the house, the television remote, car keys) because I’d rather have him be happy and quiet than screaming while I try to assert my authority.

2. I’m that mom who serves Pop Tarts and cereal for breakfast when we’re in a hurry because “it’s just easier that way.”

3. I'm that mom who sometimes only reads every other page of the boys' bedtime story books because I’m tired and hungry for my own dinner which is at that very moment sitting on the kitchen counter getting colder and colder.

4. I’m that mom who may know the children are doing something in the other room that I expressly told them NOT to do, but pretend I don’t see it so I don’t have to deal with it.

5. I’m that mom who will wait until Monday morning to realize that I have no clean school clothes for my son and then madly search through the dirty clothes for something that can pass for clean.

6. I’m that mom who will bring my kids out to run errands before cleaning the magic marker off of their arms and legs.

7. I’m that mom who allows my nudist children run around in underwear all day as long as they stay inside of the house (although I do sometimes have to retrieve them from the front lawn).

8. I’m that mom who will finally break down and offer my children cookies if it will make them submit to my will.

9. I’m that mom who will let her kids believe that we are going to the park or to the toy store, when we are actually going grocery shopping or running other boring errands. I don’t TELL them that we’re going where they thinks we are – I just don’t tell him that we’re NOT. So it’s not a lie as much as an omission. Right?

10. I’m that mom who answers my sons’s thousands of calls for “MOMMY!” with “GAGE!” instead of just saying, “what is it honey?” And then he answers my “GAGE!” with another “MOMMY!” And because I find this incredibly entertaining I just continue the cycle until we end up enacting a personalized game of Marco-Polo. Except we’re not in a pool. And he knows exactly where I am.

11. I’m that mom who believes that ice cream is the solution for everything. For my children – and myself.

12. I’m that mom who says I won’t let my kids taste raw cookie dough because “it’s not good for them” – when what I really mean is that I’m afraid that they’ll find out that it is in fact, much better raw. Then I eat some when they’re not looking.

13. I’m that mom who lets my toddler believe that all natural fruit snacks are “candy” and that they’re a BIG TREAT. He'll find out about Reese Cups soon enough.

14. I'm that mom who threatens my two year old with a nap more often when I'm the one who is actually tired. If he gets to take a nap, then why shouldn't I.

15. I’m that mom that gives my kids a toy off the shelf to play with while we shop and then puts it back, in a different aisle, right before hitting the checkout leaving.

16. I’m that of mom that will cook a huge nutritious dinner with the intent of having everyone eat it, then cave halfway through the meal realize that I am kidding myself and put some dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets in the oven for the kids to eat.

17. I'm that mom who thinks that watching PBS kids, Playhouse Disney, and Nick Jr for hours in the mornings when her kids gets up at 6am is absolutely fine. It is educational, right?

18. I'm that mom who tells her kids that she has to poop just so that I can get 5 minutes of alone time, even if I am spending it in the bathroom and my kids think I have constant diarrhea.

19. I'm that mom who takes her kids outside to play or to the park who has an ulterior motive. All of that fresh air and running around will hopefully wear them out and make for an early bedtime.

20. I'm that mom who bought her 6 year old a Wii Fit for Christmas when I knew full well that he'd never touch the thing ... but I would!

So who is that mom? We're all that mom at one point or another I think. A regular fun, loving mom searching for a bit of self preservation and sanity. And yes, sometimes I do take the easy way out even though I always said and intended to be this world class mom who does it all ... but then again the road to hell is paved with good intentions, or rather in this case, the road to a nervous breakdown is paved with needy, screaming children.;

So, what kind of mom are you?



  1. "4. I’m that mom who may know the children are doing something in the other room that I expressly told them NOT to do, but pretend I don’t see it so I don’t have to deal with it."

    ...Oh. I am the QUEEN of that mom. I let Eleanore go up the stairs by herself and ruin my day planner with a neon orange highlighter, just so I could finish updating a blog the other day. Once I saw the damage that had been done, I simply closed the planner, put the cap back on the pen, and walked away in silence. I brought it on myself, haha. She was off the hook in that case.

    This cracked me up. Haha.

  2. Hahaha, so glad I'm not the only mom who is THAT mom! I've done 19/20 of those... and only haven't done them all because we don't have a wii yet. But I really want to get one for myself... *ahem* I mean GRACIE.

    Excellent post, Amanda!!

  3. "7. I’m that mom who allows my nudist children run around in underwear all day as long as they stay inside of the house (although I do sometimes have to retrieve them from the front lawn)."

    My kid is sitting in her Batman underwear as we speak. And my baby is pant-less.

    I'll admit that I'm THAT mom who counts to three about 10 times before I'll actually dish out the punishment that was supposed to happen on the first "1...2...3!"

    I'm also THAT mom who bribes her kid with a sucker so I can get through a shopping trip in peace. I don't refer to it as bribery, however. I consider it "bartering for good behavior."

    I'm THAT mom who hides chocolate from my kids. It's MINE. And I may have it for breakfast. I need it like I need the "after-the-kids-are-in-bed" glass of wine.

  4. Love this post!!

    my son was a nudist until he was about 5 and then he became an undie-ist...he's 13 and still likes to walk around in his boxers

    I use to bribe him with popsicles to get him to sit through a haircut

    I also used skittles as a bribe to sit on the potty chair

    I'm also the mom that threatens the punishment a few times before actually doing it

    I'm so glad I'm not the only "that" mom =o) this cracked me up!!

  5. how refreshing! Yea...I'm that kinda mom too. :-)

  6. My sons thinks the all natural fruit snacks are candy too! I love that - the ones we get are organic and nothing but fruit :) Oh, and who doesn't take their kids to the park, solely to wear them out?

  7. I think I'm THAT mom that hands you a water glass full of gin and tonic and calls it Sprite while we're having play dates. Heh. Things just got fun, didn't they??? :-)

  8. I was TOTALLY that mom! (except I'd put the toys back in the correct aisle or give them to the cashier - working retail has made it a bit conscientious on that front) My daughter will be 21 soon and survived it ALL! love your blog! come on over and visit me sometime:

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